Car Speak

We go through this world without speaking to 99.99% of its inhabitants, so it’s up to our choice of vehicle to communicate who we really are. No matter what make, model or color you decide to drive, your choices are definitely giving some insight into who you are.
Text by Bill Lindsey | June 7, 2018 | Lifestyle

1. Upscale Sedan: I’m successful, sophisticated and very traditional. You get 14 bonus points if the car is a sport sedan; 12,000,000 bonus points if it’s a Porsche Panamera.

2. Sportscar: I’m virile, sexy, smart, witty, urbane and definitely having much more fun that you are. 300 bonus points for rear spoilers the size of an ironing board.

3. Muscle Car: I was beaten up a lot when I was at band camp so now I’m getting even by blasting you with Bon Jovi at stoplights.

4. SUV: The Secret Service and elite military teams have these, but I use it to take my chihuahuas to the dog park about twice a week.

5. Minivan: I’m only driving the wife’s grocery-getter because my black Harley is in the shop. I did NOT add the family stick figure decals on the back window.

6. White: This color reflects tropical heat, keeping the interior temperature slightly cooler than the surface of the sun. Translated: I have all the panache of a stewed tomato.

7. Red: I’m practically frothing with style, a sense of adventure and a personality that draws a crowd. It’s highly likely I’m not from around here.

8. Black: I’m independent, resourceful, a bit of a badass and eminently capable of taking control of all situations and scenarios. Curious fact: When was the last time you saw a black minivan?

9. Silver: No, it’s not a rental car. I chose a color that communicates my reliability even though the car is virtually impossible to find in any parking garage.

10. Yellow: I’m in desperate need of attention from everyone that I pass, including law enforcement personnel who will notice that I’m breaking the speed limit even if I’m not.